Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
Sure. But it's still a need that can't be satisfied on demand. I suspect that if she did respond as you imagine you'd want, you might doubt it.
Is it that you feel you broke a boundary and so on some level think you deserve punishment? Is that what leads you to doubt the authenticity of her caring response after those times? I don't understand why you're working so hard to discredit her caring based upon the circumstances that provoked it. Why are they tied together? I just don't see any evidence that she's easily manipulated, so I wonder if this isn't about some other need to doubt/not accept her caring, or feel uncomfortable with it?
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Yeah, it's probably more that I felt like I broke a boundary so then I expected her to be upset about me, but she wasn't; instead she responded in a really caring way and said she was happy to be there for me notwithstanding the "no contact outside of sessions" rule (which she never really explicitly stated, but it was implied). But now she's sort of backtracking and saying it was okay that one time when I called but don't call again, which sort of just doesn't sit right with me for some reason, because I think I only really started trusting her when she did call me back between sessions because that felt like such a caring gesture. So it feels like she's saying, "I cared once, but I won't continue to care if it keeps happening." Sort of like the care is conditional?