It probably is important to discuss this stuff with her...but I also know that whenever we talk about boundary stuff it just goes in circles and doesn't get anywhere and I get upset and she gets upset (I think - well, defensive). I think that maybe after a point these discussions aren't even really productive; she can't meet my need so maybe I just need to accept that and deal with it instead of going back to it...I don't know.

Maybe I can just pretend this whole conversation that upset me so much never actually happened and go back to telling her stuff like I was before and just not worry about it...like this transference stuff isn't actually a big thing in our relationship generally, and it does sort of feel like I'm being punished because if I hadn't asked her to clarify her boundaries re. calling, I probably could have been secure in the knowledge that I could call if I needed to but wouldn't have actually done so very often, if ever, and she would have been fine with it and I would have been fine with it.

But the fact that I brought the issue up, when it was very hard for me, and I was worried that she would then withdraw the "care," which is pretty much exactly what happened...yeah, okay, I definitely do need to discuss this with her.