Hello there. My apologies, this is quite long and it's late and I'm tired so my writing may sound weird. Today I've talked to my parents about my depression but I feel like what they are telling me is only making it worse. I'm currently unemployed and having trouble applying for jobs thanks to my depression and anxiety, and when I told my parents about how I want to get professional help (I've been in denial for a long time and only accepted that I, in fact, have depression quite recently), my mother started to talk about her own childhood and compare to what she went through, I'm lucky and my problems are not anything big enough to cause depression. My step dad said my depression is my fault for not trying. Not really trying hard enough to apply for job. Not trying hard enough to go outside and do something. Not trying hard enough to change myself. Not trying hard enough to motivate myself. Not daring enough to do anything. And this is from few months ago but he told me once how much disappointed he is. He's been trusting me for years to get myself to actually do something, but after almost 2 years of nothing, he's disappointed. He said he has trouble trusting me now and whenever I do chores or anything around the house, he has to double check to make sure I do it right because he literally can't trust me on jobs.
The way I wrote it down may be a bit harsher than what they said irl but this is how I took it. I know for fact they care about me and trying to help but I'm scared to tell to them what they've been doing aren't helping me at all (+my already low self-esteem is getting even lower). Like I get what they're trying to do here. My mother is trying to tell me how most of my problems are not as scary as I think so I shouldn't be scared of them. My step dad is trying to motivate me by saying harsh things on purpose. He's expecting me to get angry at his statements and work myself to prove what he claimed are wrong. And they both think my depression will go away once I get a job and make myself busy. I somehow convinced them so that I could get one appointment with a local counselor, but they think the whole therapy is useless and I should just focus myself to get a job.
I understand they are disappointed in me and I have to agree how most of this is my fault but what they are doing is the total opposite from what I need right now. I'm from a family who considers respecting parents is a must and I almost never told them they are wrong when they do wrong. I'm scared to correct them.