Thanks for the ongoing support.

Its not been going so well the last few days. The day after I last posted I got to the point of panic again during meditation. I ended up sitting up repeating "I am calm, I am safe, I am comfortable" to myself for the last 45 minutes. After it I felt so bad but relieved it was over. Its amazing how much an hour can drag when you feel panicy.

Since then the meditation time has been worry time. I just worry about everything the worrying thoughts are constant in my head with no break. I know I am having issues with distress tolerance at the moment, I've tried to sit with the emotions, but it leads to panic, so I tried to CBT the thoughts away. That didnt work either, a new worry would come up straight away, and the old worries would come back. I'd get so distressed by the worries that my brain would just stop working all together and go into panic mode. The deep breathing has been helpful to keep me from hyperventilation but the sessions seem to drag. I've needed to sit up and have my eyes open for the last few minutes as I cant bare the darkness anymore. The intense anxiety/worry just wont let up, when it finally ends it is a relief so I can go and be distracted again instead of "stuck in a dark room with my thoughts".

Im really disappointed, I feel I am back where I started. I will keep meditating daily but it is a struggle to make myself do something that makes me feel so bad. Im hoping I will get through this phase and back on to the nice quiet mind I had a few weeks back. And go back to feeling refreshed after it instead of so horribly uncomfortable and distressed.

Has anyone else had this experience with meditation? Will this pass?