Hugs to you, Yearning. I just read through this whole thread, and personally, I need to feel that genuine caring from a T, also. I wrote a list one time of qualities that I look for in a therapist. Not everyone has the same needs, but I certainly can identify with yours. Here are a couple of things on my list of things I look for:

Someone who genuinely cares about me and likes me (I can always tell when there is a real connection vs. seeing me as "just another client"). I need to feel that personal connection, like I matter to them.

Someone who accepts me no matter what I'm feeling or no matter what I say or how I say it.

Someone who knows their own boundaries and makes those clear to me, instead of not having boundaries and then blaming me for crossing them.

Someone who can listen to me when I'm angry with them, and not react right away.

Someone who is available in case of crisis, or even "mini-crisis".

There are other things on my list, but these seemed to be similar to what I hear you saying. These are my needs; not everyone will agree that I should "need" or "expect" these qualities in a T, but they are not me. If I am hiring a therapist, and sharing and baring my soul, then I want my T to exhibit these qualities so that I feel safe and valued. I would be troubled by a T's defensiveness around these, also. That T would just not be the right "fit" for me. And I'm a lot older than you! I don't think these needs are necessarily "childish". These are things that I need when I am making myself vulnerable. And I don't care if others are OK with that or not. I hope you can figure out what your personal "must-haves" are, and that you will be gentle with yourself.