Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
A person who walks out of a therapy session at the mere mention that she just might not be the center of the universe is not someone you can negotiate with, I am afraid. I know that infidelity is not an option nor would I suggest it, but I wonder if you have ever threatened her with anything, such as infidelity but maybe something else, and if so, what her reaction was. I am wondering because you have clearly tried all the peaceful tools and have exhausted them, so maybe you should start being less amiable and shake her notion that you are a permanent fixture in the house. She is clearly taking you for granted - that is for sure. A guy like you who wants sex with feeling no porn no infidelity willing to do the romance crap and the whole nine yards you describe is WORTH HIS WEIGHT IN GOLD on the marriage market. She is clueless and does not know it, but you should know it.
I went to Seattle in December. The weather was so dreary it cannot be described in words. I returned to California and since then, literally every time I go outside, I appreciate the shining sun and the tall blue skies. Before I went to Seattle, I didn't appreciate the weather but took it for granted. Your wife needs to go to Seattle of some sorts, but I do not know what kind...
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three years ago she, literally, chased me out of the house, I was gone for about a month, we worked it out (she actually admitted her part in it) and she swore things would change if I came home, they did, for a couple of months, then started sliding back to the same old status quo(sexually, she has started cleaning the house and we've had less occasions of her flipping out and screaming and starting a blowup in three years than we used to have in a month, not perfect but aside from the sex I could be happy).
I've withdrawn emotionally, didn't help
I've "cut her off" for a month (that worked, for a week, and just about killed me),
I've treated her like a goddess and I've treated her like a roommate, I just cant figure her out.
right now we're on a four day "sack of flour" schedule (that means she lays there like a sack of flour, gets pissed if I do ANY of the things that "turn her on",, and *****es because I take too long , and it's not what either of us want. I don't know what kind of "seattle" is left. physically, when she lets it, everything works fine, for both of us. I know I'm rambling, but am feeling as if I'm out of ideas :-/.
I should add that she's up and down w/depression, stay-at-home mom (her choice, I've BEGGED her to get a job, and overweight (not grotesque, but seriously, quit blaming it on the last kid, that was 3 years ago and 20lbs lighter) (really don't know how to approach that, but might be a factor?)