I went through all the same types of things with doctors and therapists before. i understand you and know where you're coming from. I fought with doctors but it didn't help and the system was so messed up in the 1980's when i was first diagnosed, I was so bad off i couldn't help myself. I was actually put in seclusion for a reason i don't even know why, but i think it was because i said something one of the nurses didn't like, i had to have 5 cops control me and they shot me up with thorizine, to this day don't even know why i was put in seclusion, and the reason the cops came up was because the stupid nurse said things that weren't true about me, it was a religious thing.