Trigger Warning:

So I don't plan on killing myself anytime soon, but i'm not convinced that I won't ever do it. When I was around 12, I took a bottle of pills. Even though my parents (who found the empty pill bottle despite my denial of taking the pills) did not take me to the hospital, all I did was sleep and feel like I was going to die until like two days later (the days are a blur so maybe more but at least 2) when I ended up violently vomiting everything I ingested.

So. Ever since, i've been weary of pills. However, I don't think its unfair to want a painless suicide when the time comes, so I've done research on everything from [edit: probably shouldn't list methods so insert common/uncommon methods here]. I seriously have made out a list of at least 20 possible ways, and there was only like 2-3 things I'd even consider.

Is something seriously wrong with me that I become legitimately frustrated that I can't find a painless way to die? Again, I'm not feeling that way (I promise) but I would be comforted in knowing that I at least have the option and am not a slave to living.