Hi there, I saw your post and said to myself, "yep, thats me too" lol, I've been told to take it real easy on myself and yes I know it's difficult when your head is like a mental hell, but thank god for this site huh? (no i'm not a religious freak either) I'm having huge difficulties with acceptance myself but it's so wonderful to have the support of people who know what we think and feel isnt it? I wish you the best in your journey thomi, be kind to yourself and never give up. I'm in the process of getting my medication back on track and I know how you feel. Many a time I have felt like a guinea pig for the medical profession, but yes, we are individual and eventually there will be the right combination of happy pills for you. Thats what I call my tablets, ha! Big hugs to you mate, take it day by day or even 5 minutes at a time if you have to, works for me xxx