How would I be asexual if I actually want to have sex but simply don't see how I'll ever have the opportunity? Unless I pay for it or have sex with a random person—which really wouldn't satisfy the need because for one I wouldn't feel anything enjoyable anyway and I want the entire package of emotional and physical intimacy.

I'm only uncomfortable with intimacy and sex because it's been withheld from me my whole life. It's something foreign to me. Things could have happened to me when I was younger, I'll never know.

I just think celibacy may be the only way to not go insane seeing everyone else having relationships that I'll never have. I can at least pretend in my mind that my failure is for a purpose. That I actually chose to fail. That it wasn't because I wasn't good enough for a relationship, that I just chose not to have one because I'm "better than that". Make the people who make me feel bad, feel bad if they ever decide to rub it in my face.