Renie, that makes more sense to me. Thanks for clarifying. But I have good news!--that feeling of "jealousy" you have is based in something that is working very rightly within you. You see what she has, and you want it too! Any normal, healthy person would want those kinds of things. That is not wrong of you to feel that. It only becomes a problem when you put others down because of what they have (which you're not) or you tell yourself you can't have those things or shouldn't have them (which sounds like maybe you are doing.) this is the truth: you ARE worthy of those things and earning that kind of life. You're worth it. It takes hard work, but don't believe it's just "not for you." Don't feel bad for wanting more for yourself. That is a healthy thing that will help you fight your way out of depression. Depression tries to kill that--don't let it.