When kids don't get their needs met by their care-givers, they go looking for it else where, i did it all my life. And there's loads of people on this board who do it. That type of maternal neglect is so very damaging and it's a loss you'll be navigating for a long time to come most likely.

I feel like maybe you are repressing these unmet needs because they've been dealt with wrongly by other women in your life. You've been made to feel ashamed and you're now pushing away that need, numbing it out. The thing is, until it is addressed in therapy it will keep rearing its head in many different ways. THat need feels shameful, but it isn't it makes perfect sense and it's sad and that part needs to be healed. The people who shame you about it aren't the people to help you with it. It's not going to go away just because they've made you feel bad, that's not how it works.

Maybe you don't have maternal transference with this T, but that doesn't mean that need isn't in there. And all of that apart, even people without transference towards their T still very much want to be accepted, liked and cared for by their therapist.