Well, if she *****es about your taking too long, you can take masking tape across her mouth. You would still hear sounds, but not words, so it would be like moaning, which would fit the occasion. Alternatively, a la greque with her face resting on a pillow and she could talk to the pillow about your taking too long. Further alternatives - a la greque again (doggie-style), with a tablet on the pillow and then she can watch a movie. Finally, she can go back to the floor sack position and talk on the phone with a girlfriend, unless you roar so much that it would interfere with the conversation. Finally, offer her to meditate in the floor sack position. Not ***** but meditate - I mean, why not kill two birds?

On a more serious note, does she do cardio? If she doesn't, offer to keep an eye on the kids to enable her to exercise (but not for weight loss - to get away, regain sanity, and hopefully dust off her libido).

I must say that with *****ing in bed she takes the prize for being the #1 proverbial wife-*****. She really deserves the gold medal. ..