I am glad to hear that you are going to see a psychologist for more detailed diagnosis......it's hard to give the information that will help a psychiatrist (pdoc) make a thorough & exact diagnosis.....my insurance at the time forced me to go to UCLA's psych hospital for evaluation....they went through a lot of different thoughts before they determined it was major depression reoccurant along with major anxiety that had me so messed up that I had no desire to live.
With the delusional thoughts that you said you had toward giving your parents the "gift of death"......I am glad that you realized those thoughts were delusional.....in reality, we have NO RIGHT to take anyone's life.....& death is definitly NOT A GIFT.....even though we might think so if someone was already dying of cancer....but in reality....we have no right even then to do anything to end their life before it ends on it's own.
No one can Dx here but I'm in agreement with Bark of the possibility you are dealing with some form of schezophrenia.
Like I said in my other reply to you.....going to the point you have in your homocidal plans, what Bark says:
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When you're in the middle of full-blown psychosis, you can lack insight. But when symptoms are under control and/or less severe, you can look at your situation more rationally.
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is exactly what I was saying.....when you get to the point where you aren't able to think & have the insight (which can happen without you possibly knowing it will hit).....that line between thinking you wouldn't do something & doing it is very fine & without the power of logic to stop yourself.....you would end up being very sorry for your actions.
I know this doesn't sound like something you would want to do, but your parents really have the right to know that you have had these thoughts as they have a right to protect themselves against anything that might happen & being aware, they could take the steps to help you rather than allow you to get yourself into far worse trouble with the law if something were to trigger you to take the action.
Life is always so complicated.
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It's the people who boast of their intelligence that you want to watch out for.
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Oh Bark...I wish I had watched out for this....my H (who I finally left 6 years ago after 33 years of marriage) was always commenting about how intelligent he was.....but he had no common sense & he definitely wasn't as intelligent as he claimed...only thing he was intelligent in was math....the rest of his life he was dumber than a door nail. I caught it before I got married but stupidly I listened to my mother about how nice he was & how he would grow up....it never happened.......I definitely relate & agree with your warning
