Hi. First off, I'm really sorry that you feel that way. There is a terrible sort of helplessness is hating yourself that claws at you. I've felt it plenty of times in the past. The sort of apathy that eats at you until you can't get out of bed or do anything at all. I started sleeping 21 hours a day and barely eating and the only reason I really am here right now is because I realized something was really wrong. I didn't want to be like that anymore because I had remembered how vibrant I used to be. I know that you said you're not looking for advice but have you ever considered talking to a therapist? You said you're in college right? There are a lot of colleges that have mental health services (I myself go to them and they're quite nice as a resource).

And it's really hard for words (especially ones over the internet from a stranger) to take any hold on you (because you have to believe it yourself for it to have effect) but you are wonderful and you are still growing so please be gentle with yourself. There are billions of people in this world and I have seen such a diversity of interests. The only reason you are alone now is because you haven't found your niche yet. Which is fine because I haven't found mine either but please know that you are not alone in feeling alone.

And hey, if it counts for anything, I like the way you type in grammatically correct sentences and capitalize everything correctly and I know at heart you are a good person because when you shut down you curl into yourself and try to disappear in hopes that the world can move on better without you. In that aspect you and I are very similar.

But please don't give up though, it may be extremely difficult, especially right now, but if you can just plant a little seed in your mind right now that thinks "maybe I am worth a little bit" and let it grow, I know you can do many powerful things.