Hi, it sounds like things are really difficult for you but no matter what you have e.g. "nice" car, job, money..............depression doesn't discriminate, the "pain" can still be the same regardless. Do you think anything specific has triggered this or is adding to it??
Sometimes we can just work through things with them barely effecting us, until they REALLY hit us somewhere down the line. And we may not even recognise where it has come from sometimes. Maybe even a combination of factors or maybe even no apparent reason for feeling that way.
I can understand if it's the circumstances around your relationships dragging you down though. But I'd say that a lot of the time if people just leave it can as much mean that they just weren't right for you, there was some sort of a gap there maybe? And sometimes a can take plenty of others to work towards finding the "right one". Do you think that maybe you could reflect and learn from some of those past relationships though, perhaps things you might do differently in the next relationship/s you have.
You may even see some signs where you've fallen for the "wrong" type of person which can help a little in trying to avoid that another time and avoid a bit of pain?
But maybe working on the depression, if it was there before (?) might help you in further relationships.
I have got to say though that we can sometimes put too much importance on being in a relationship whereas the real priority should be on feeling good about who WE are without that being dependent on another person/a relationship. I do know you don't feel good about things now but do you think maybe you could consider some smaller things that may help YOU.
Perhaps pushing the barriers a little and going out more (just a little way to begin with) may help breaking the cycle a bit. And doing things PURELY because they are things you wouldn't mind doing/trying. Perhaps just prioritise where you would most want to put your efforts towards and try to give yourself that bit of a push?
I don't know if I've implied this but.....As for trying to come to terms with being on your own, I'd say that it might help more in being able to feel good about yourself "even if" you are on our own and believing you are OK just being you whether you're on your own or not. So a little less of the "coming to terms"?
If you keep on feeling like this though I'd say that it would be a really good idea to look for some help whether you think it might be useful talking to a friend, a colleague (if there's one you really get on with) or even your doctor. Sometimes a little extra support/help can be just the thing we need to be able to gain a different perspective or to work through things.
Although remember at the end of the day you are not alone, there are people out there who are going to care and going to want to be there for you. And hey, that includes us too!!
If you want to talk some more.....................
Alison
P.S Do NOT undersell yourself, there ARE good qualities in everyone, sometimes we may lose sight of them but that doesn't mean that they aren't there. Sometimes it can be as much about remembering or recognising them in ourselves.