Yes, being depressed can be very cruel. It's hard to relate to others while being depressed, too. I hate to hear you don't have any insurance. I haven't had any for almost a year now. You are right about one thing it would be devastating to your mom and son if you were to commit suicide. There are quite a few on here that have had to face that and it haunts them still. As a mother I would crushed if my daughter died. Hang in there and keep posting and talking to other here. It does help.