Yes sharing here is much more effective in many ways than therapy can be. In fact my last tdoc app was all about me feeling alone with Bipolar. And she is like trying to help me right and like make it all "mean" something". And I want to be like (and kinda was like) "Dude, bipolar just sucks and you can't understand unless you have it so stop acting like there is anything else going on here." I wish I had a bipolar therapist. Now that might actually be helpful.

Seriously, I feel just the same way you do. I am even pretty stable right now. Just the amount of lifestyle up keep, the struggling with pdocs and tdocs to find and receive services that actually help, the fighting and the protecting I do every single day to maintain this balance. And then those minor blips even though minor and not like the writhing in agony experiences we have all had still just hit me because I am so burned by bipolar at this point. So over its ****. That I just stare at it all like seriously? Seriously?!! This is going to be FOREVER!!!!!

Yeah I get it.

And I too would LOVE to go out, stay up late, drink a tad too much etc. I'd even like to talk on the phone till 1 or 2 am with a girlfriend which always used to be fun. I'd like to NOT have to leave the wedding or whatever grown up event we are at because I have to calm down and go to bed. And you know I would really like to have one or two glasses of wine without it being such a big ****ing deal.

So I could get all. Oh but I have so much to be thankful for and here are such worse problems to have etc and I love my life. And all those things are true but here now in this thread I want to just be allowed to vent about the suckiness of it all.

Hugs to you Wing. Hugs to everybody here.