Hi, really with you, but first of all I've got to ask the obvious WHY are you still with your therapist (not changed him) AND your spouse???
To me?????????????
Now I'd say that you've done really well pinning down your causes/triggers (lots of different causes/triggers for lots of different people but yours are really understandable) and that can be a great first step in moving on/through the SI.
I may be repeating things you've heard or thought before but............you know NO-ONE deserves that sort of power over you don't you. If they were actually hitting you themselves you know that would be wrong, so why allow them have you do that on their behalf (so to speak)?
As for blaming you for things they know weren't down to you, perhaps see it as THEIR weakness or just as you said their ignorance, you really don't HAVE to own that for them. Then of course you could maybe help them with their weaknesses or ignorance?? Maybe it's hard for them to admit vulnerability, vulnerability on the part of others, need to feel in control, have difficulties understanding others, really don't "get" what's going on, can't empatise............the list goes on. But if you can at least be one calm voice in putting across your point of view then maybe after enough times it might just start to make a little difference, but whatever at least you've tried and you've done what you know is the "right" thing????? Maybe take the "higher ground"?? You don't have to get "sucked in".
And as for feeling worthless......as for hating any part of you......I guess that's coming from the way they are making you feel?? BUT try to take everyone who has hurt you out of the equation and see yourself as you REALLY are right now, who you REALLY are, now I'm really hoping that you can see yourself in a much truer light, a lot of the ACTUAL positives about you?? Because I'm SURE they are there!!!!

Now SORRY but I've just got to go back to your spouse (for me!) really am wondering whether your experiences of the abuse, trying to move on from them and accepting (??) they happened are playing a big part in all of this. Maybe you need to go back to dealing with that a bit more? Maybe counseling? Maybe couples counseling? Even though I'm really not sure why you're with him anyway!!

If you want to talk more, would like to try and help............

Alison