I just read an article on this site called "Terminating Treatment: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do". Unfortunately, I fit right into the textbook cases cited. My T has been extremely professional, and deals with my termination anxieties appropriately. What has led to the upcoming termination (end of March), after about 8 years, is her belief that she can no longer be of any help to me. My love for her has superseded my interest in solving other issues in my life. My primary purpose in attending our sessions has been as an oasis of sorts, a place to try to feel good, to have a beloved “friend”. Her stated purpose is to help me help myself through my issues; to find my way through life without her.

My love for my T has severely hampered the ability to succeed more thoroughly in therapy. She strongly recommends that I see a male T, if only to deal with the pain I experience as I obsessively think of my life after therapy, living without my beloved T. The thought of losing her feels so similar to the pain of my mother’s death, 40 years ago. My T and I see the parallels, but that doesn’t ease the anguish. I am depressed, can focus on almost nothing else, don’t have joy, want to die in my sleep. If only my T would agree to try being friends with me once our sessions have terminated, I tell her and myself, I could deal with life’s foibles and let difficulties roll off my back. I no longer idealize her; I see she is not perfect. I hope she will miss me as I will miss her. Oh, this is so textbook, I know. But of course she does not agree to be my platonic friend, for reasons unexplained to me, and won’t even allow me to take a photo of her as a keepsake. I am dying inside. I feel so pathetic, like a corny soap opera. Sometimes suicidal thoughts are pervasive. Other times I am able to distract myself with silly entertainments. But focusing on what is important to my life has lost its appeal. Almost nothing matters except being with her.