I know your situation well and can understand your desire to conquer transference and not become vulnerable. This was my thought as well. Your therapist however might just want you remain very attached. Actually most of the talking therapies view the relationship as the prime element of change, and believe that "real change" cannot occur unless you are deeply attached to your T and vulnerable. For some developing the transference is the prime objective.

It sounds like your mutual affection for each other is just being complicated by some erotic feelings on both sides, very normal. To me it sounds like maybe he got a bit too close, he obviously likes you, he probably freaked out a bit and got cold realizing he might have been a bit too seductive... now he's back. Your T has to show you a balance of things, he has to prove to you he's trust worthy and not going to consummate anything, but also remain with you in a very intimate relationship. Beyond that his affection for you has to be genuine or you will intuitively spot it as a lie.

Do you think you could find a way to be with him where you accept these strong feelings on both sides and at the same time know they won't ever be acted on? It is very difficult, but if you can manage this, then the theory is you can potentially make huge gains from the therapeutic experience.