My Support Forums - View Single Post

BipolaRNurse · Jan 31, 2014, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swheaton

I hate having BP. I freaking hate the fact that I want to quit my new job after only five months because I feel like an incompetent loser. I hate the fact that my freaking husband had the nerve to roll his eyes at me when I tried to explain how I felt.

My job history is blotchy, but I have always worked up until I decided to become a CMA and went to school for a year. I know my husband is tired of me being this way and is tired of me quitting jobs. I want to quit because I am afraid of being fired. I've been written up because of a med error and today I found out I didn't give the full dose of the flu to a child. I really like being a Medical Assistant, but I don't know how to reduce my margin of error (its like I can't pay attention to what I am doing). I do some things really well, but it's these mistakes that freak me out.

I have no self confidence, none, zippo. I'm not sure if I should have a letter from my pdoc explaining my medical condition..or would that be wrong? Would it make me look more like a loser?

BTW, my feelings are still hurt. I know my husband is fed up with me and I wonder how much longer he will stay. I shouldn't worry, but I do. I wish I didn't have to wake up and face another day, but I love my little family. I can't leave them behind, even if I want too.

Aw, hon, you are NOT a loser---not by a long shot!

I wish I could hug you in person because I know exactly how it feels to be a healthcare professional with bipolar disorder, and in most ways it SUCKS. I still cannot believe how judgmental medical people can be towards MI individuals.....especially other medical people.

If you've managed to avoid discussing your illness with your managers and co-workers, keep up the good work! They cannot legally fire you for being BP, but they can trump up other reasons to get rid of you without incurring trouble with the Americans with Disabilities Act. It happened to me last year when I had the mother of all mixed episodes that caused my pdoc to take me out of work for over 3 weeks. He didn't want me to go back there at all but (reluctantly) gave me the go-ahead, and I promptly fell apart again.

When they let me go it was a relief, although I was very, very angry and even more humiliated. And yes, I felt like a loser. I've always had problems with jobs, but at my level (I was a director of nursing) it's really embarrassing. I am supposed to be a professional---polished, smart, always appropriate---and there are times when my brain totally $#!+s the bed and I act like a crazy woman. Which I am, I guess.

But I'm NOT a loser, and neither are you. We have a mental illness that disrupts our lives and makes it harder for us to do what 'normal' people do without thinking, but we're not losers. Don't let your husband beat you up about it either....he is not being helpful and you don't deserve to be treated like this.