Hating myself badly. I'm not even a human being. I have some people around me and I feel alone. for years in a cold desert. Not feeling most of the time desatached, not sure if I want to feel. And the thing that maybe hurts me the most is pretending. I feel like I'm lying to the people around me which care about me, pretending I still like and care about them when all my life was like they even exist.
I don't think I'm capable of being a decent person for many reasons that I don't want to talk about. Everyday is a fitting: trying to acomplish what the world tells me to do and fitting with myself, just a stupid existence.