I'm no mental health expert, but your life experiences have caused you to be depressed. You also seem to have low self esteem. I'm sorry to hear about everything that has happened to you- Are you currently taking any medication for depression? If not, you should get on some meds. Paxil is good, it has helped me a lot.

You can get it from your family Dr. which is much cheaper than going to a psychiatrist. As for your b.f, what a jerk. He is emotionally and mentally abusing you. If you can support yourself and your kids, leave him. You should tell him that makes you feel bad and to stop trying to make you feel like that. It sounds like maybe therapy might help you? It never really helped me, but you might want to give it a try and maybe it might help you.