Quote:
Originally Posted by serenity2298
How do you love yourself? I have so much self-hate I often think the world is better off without me. I fall into these really deep depressions. Sometimes I cope better but even then I loathe myself too. How do I get over that? I'm told I'm a beautiful girl but I just don't see it. It's my actions that I hate too, everything I do is not good enough. It makes me feel so unloved because I have no one in my life apart from my son and a friend and when I upset her which I have because of my difficulties I hate myself even more, I don't mean to do it! It's like there is no one to love me. I know my son loves me but he's just 4 and a half with severe language delay, so he doesn't talk much. I feel very unloved and think that if I can't love myself who can really? How can i try to fix this?
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Serenity. ..,
Is your son receiving speech therapy? Is he in preschool? Have you two seen an occupational therapist? What are the plans for kindergarten for your little boy? Have you considered learning ASL - American Sign language - to communicate and compensate for where he lacks in oral language? How often do you read to him? Do you sing songs for him or have him listen to professional recordings of children's songs? If you have some cash to spare, there are Kindermusic or Music together lessons across the country.
I am a little alarmed trying to picture a depressed, self-loathing single mom with no support system raising a special needs child. Time is of the essence.
My adult son stutters a bit, possibly because he had a temporary hearing loss when he was 3, and language acquisition depends on the child's being able to hear the sounds of speech spoken around him correctly. I will never quite forgive myself - not that I was negligent - his pediatrician was negligent, and by the time I sought second opinion, my son needed two surgeries. So - I could have sought second opinion sooner.
I am not trying to add to your laundry list of todos, but I am worried that, being depressed, you do not model enough talking for him. If that is the case, it is really really critical that he attend a good preschool. Just not Montessori because they do not have a circle time when the teacher reads to all the kids.
I don't know about now, but as soon as your son turns 5, he will be eligible for the full suite of services provided by the school district for kids with delayed development.
Again, I know this is not what you expected to hear, but it just strikes me as the #1 issue in your life now.