I tend to look people in the eye, but my therapist and I look each other in the eye in a more profound and prolonged way than would be comfortable under normal circumstances. I like it. I feel like we're on a journey together that can be frightening, but I feel safe, protected and cared for when we're looking at each other. Like when you're climbing a ladder and you think, 'Don't look down and don't look around or you'll lose your step.' I trust him and cling to him in this way during a session.

When I bring up more graphic or distressing sexual material, I find myself looking elsewhere.

Oddly, just the other day he laughed a lot during the session. We've had some chuckles before, but this was more open laughter. I laughed with him, but each time I did I looked away. We talk about bodily matters, my wretchedness, my demons, joys, terrors and tribulations, but laughter was too intimate? When I did look up I caught the tail end of his laugh. It was beautiful! I hope I have a chance to see it again.