Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi, really with you, but first of all I've got to ask the obvious  WHY are you still with your therapist (not changed him) AND your spouse???
To me?????????????
Now I'd say that you've done really well pinning down your causes/triggers (lots of different causes/triggers for lots of different people but yours are really understandable) and that can be a great first step in moving on/through the SI.
I may be repeating things you've heard or thought before but............you know NO-ONE deserves that sort of power over you don't you. If they were actually hitting you themselves you know that would be wrong, so why allow them have you do that on their behalf (so to speak)?
As for blaming you for things they know weren't down to you, perhaps see it as THEIR weakness or just as you said their ignorance, you really don't HAVE to own that for them. Then of course you could maybe help them with their weaknesses or ignorance?? Maybe it's hard for them to admit vulnerability, vulnerability on the part of others, need to feel in control, have difficulties understanding others, really don't "get" what's going on, can't empatise............the list goes on. But if you can at least be one calm voice in putting across your point of view then maybe after enough times it might just start to make a little difference, but whatever at least you've tried and you've done what you know is the "right" thing????? Maybe take the "higher ground"?? You don't have to get "sucked in".
And as for feeling worthless......as for hating any part of you......I guess that's coming from the way they are making you feel?? BUT try to take everyone who has hurt you out of the equation and see yourself as you REALLY are right now, who you REALLY are, now I'm really hoping that you can see yourself in a much truer light, a lot of the ACTUAL positives about you?? Because I'm SURE they are there!!!!
Now SORRY but I've just got to go back to your spouse (for me!) really am wondering whether your experiences of the abuse, trying to move on from them and accepting (??) they happened are playing a big part in all of this. Maybe you need to go back to dealing with that a bit more? Maybe counseling? Maybe couples counseling? Even though I'm really not sure why you're with him anyway!!
If you want to talk more, would like to try and help............
Alison |
Actually thinking about responding to this. I probably should write a thread on this. Its actually a long story on why I am with my spouse.
--- I tried to leave him on several occasions, and even sought out help and support.
...but I am sure I have a story as many do for the most part of why people have not left their spouse.
...and yes I have heard many many people ask that...and thats ok. Its got to be asked to understand.
The thing is...its like the phrase is said, " Its easier said than done."
Like I said I have tried to leave him. I have left several times. Even trying to go where I thought he would not follow me. (Of course this was years ago.) He would show up at people's doorsteps and he either had a caring demeanor (yet manipulative) and we need to do things to make things better. (Also to note he NEVER admitted or apologized to anything he did. Accept once by accident when it slipped out.
He has harassed and threatened families who has tried to help me. He has manipulated families who has tried to help me ACTING in a kind way outwardly.
I went to seek counsel and he used that against me in court to get away with his charges. He would use my counsel against me and tell the courts that I am mentally ill. I was only diagnosed with depression at that time and I was getting counsel for domestic violence. My spouse used it to call me crazy when he would abuse me. Yes I had injuries, but every time he would gt caught abusing me. He would say. Shes crazy and needs to be put on medication. He has had me put in the hospital to get away with charges of abuse, even threatening me with my children. Telling me if I tell they will take my kids away and you will never see them again!
Well he did that...and threatened me with my children. He took my children and used them against me. Even encouraging them to abuse me.
I would NOT leave my children. THE MAIN REASON WHY WOMEN DO NOT LEAVE!
It is different now...
...but now I am stuck...I have NOTHING!!! NO where to go. I am disabled, and suffer a lot of pain from all of the abuse. I have been isolated and my life destroyed. I have PTSD and no one wants to deal with someone with PTSD.
I am my own spouses piece of crap damaged goods.
I cannot have friends because I have triggers, crying every day. ...and nothing but a painful life that no one wants to hear about.
I am stuck with someone who broke me so bad no one would even be friends with me...accept him who is my worse enemy, who left me in a terror nightmare. Who has nothing but this insane fatal attraction who cannot see the damage he did. Which I live everyday... That he reminds me of how much of a problem I am because of the damage....that he did and denies.