A subject I encounter frequently on social networking sites is the ‘Friend Zone.’

Speaking as someone that has had a long and difficult history with women and relationships, this is a sensitive subject for me, but what I find most difficult about seeing this discussed online is the condemnation us males that are ‘friend zoned’ receive for our feelings of frustration and rejection. It is this condemnation that I wanted to discuss here.

As a male, I do not think a woman ‘owes’ me anything for being nice, nor do I think I ‘deserve’ sex if I am nice or do things for her. Perhaps other males feel this way, in which this condemnation would be entirely understandable, but I do not feel like this.

What I have searched for and desired is to experience the closeness a romantic relationship with a woman offers. To me the difference between friends and a relationship is not strictly sex, it is the emotional and intellectual closeness as well, where I can truly be accepted for who I am and there are no social barriers between us.

Whenever I have been friends with a woman, I have felt more like a number or a bonus on the side, not someone special or important. Often she would have at least three to five best friends and likely a dozen other friends, and as selfish as it might sound, inside I felt like I was disposable and unimportant. Considering that my last best friend (or whom I felt was my best friend) ceased all contact with me without an explanation or warning 2 years ago, a real shock to me, makes me inclined to believe that I was indeed disposable to her.

Now I am in a wonderful relationship with a woman, and this is undoubtedly the best time of my life. However, the (literal) scars from the many years of unrequited love, rejection, bad relationships, etc. have still left a mark on me, and for many years I believed I was unlovable.

To conclude this I wanted to ask this question: is it unacceptable for a male to feel hurt if a woman doesn’t reciprocate his desire for a relationship?