Dear T,

I wrote a poem today that actually came out quickly and without analytical thought - like I used to. Thanks for encouraging me to do something like that but not pushing it on me either. I'm sorry I make you walk a tightrope like that /: I mean, geez.

The me you see is not always like that. My contemptuous nature shows up sometimes and I'm so eye-rolly ( ) and difficult. I swear, T. I need to figure out where she comes from because it's embarrassing. I noticed her try to come out last week and I felt like I was fighting with her. She gets in my way! She blocks my connection with you and I hate that feeling like I'm watching it all happen outside myself and cringing. I know I sound crazy. I'd tell you this if I thought I could get the words out in a coherent way that you might understand.