Hi Cannibalcutie. I'm sorry no one has responded yet. I don't always come to this site or part of the site so I only just read this. I have to say, I really get where you're coming from, at least on part of it. I always felt I should have been born a male but was assigned female. I can never be a "real" male, and that is a depressing thought to me too. I never got to grow up as a boy or a young man. There are just certain things I'll never have because of it. You know what I mean I'm sure, but just the other way around. There are some things you can get for it, though, but it's a hard road for anyone who travels it. For me, I've decided I want to take the plunge and transition to male, but that's not for everyone. But for me, it's worth it. It sounds like you've found something that kinda works for you. I'm not sure if I have much advice for you relationship wise. It sounds like a hard situation to be in. Maybe the Sexual and Gender Issues section might be more active and they might have something that would help you out. Can I ask if you see a T? They can certainly be really helpful, I know.