If there is a pychology specialist reading this, I would appreciate some insights.

I've been having a repetitive dream (started a few years ago, comes every few months. Some minor details may change but it's always more or less the same: I'm in distress, there's great fear and pain, I can't move, I'm raped. I want to stand up, turn on the light but I'm unable to move. And then I think 'just wait it out, it will be over soon'.

In real life I wasn't raped, but because of that dream I started to think that maybe it happened but I was too young to understand it and maybe I blocked it out but it comes back in my subconsciousness. I guess it could be so because the idea of rape, the fear of it has accompanied me from the very early stages when I didn't even really know what sex was (no knowdledge of penetration, just a man on top of the woman, that's how I feared it). I have also very low self esteem which I shouldn't because I always had support from my parents with whom I'm very close, I've had some successes in my life. Yet, I always feel worse then everybody.

I'm ashamed to talk about it with someone in person, but it worries me that something may have happened long time ago and I feel very low when I think about it. I'm sorry if my my language isn't very good, english isn't my mother tongue