Hi mulan, I know depression can cut you off from so many things and so many people but do you think you've been able to completely open up to people in your family about the way you've been feeling?
Maybe you'd feel just a little more closer to them if you felt they knew exactly how you'd been feeling and could be more "there" for you. Don't blame yourself or think there's something wrong with you for feeling as you do right now though, it can be pretty normal if you're feeling really depressed. The main thing is to get help, do all you can, and try and work through the way you're feeling and to bit by bit start to feel better.
But you're not alone and we're here for you if you want to talk (more).
Alison