Quote:
Originally Posted by frustated
I've been married for 10 years, dated for 3 before that. she's the first/only woman I've been with. 3 kids leaving is NOT an option, but neither is living like I have been.
it's hard for me to find the words here, so please bear with me.
when we were dating, our sex life was great, as a matter of fact, I couldnt get her to stop, I was worn out most of the time. she got pregnant and we bumped up our wedding date by 6 months. on my wedding night I came back for round 2 and she learned a new phrase "leave me alone, I'm tired". ever since then our sexual relationship has been the huge source of tension in our life. I feel cheated. she turned into a 1x a month quickie type I'm still a 2x a day level of sex drive. we've tried scheduling, I've tried doing all the sappy romantic crap, (which I really don't mind that much, until it's unnoticed and unappreciated). when we try to discuss our issues to find some sort of solution, she invariably begins screaming, two days ago she was literally stomping her feet while yelling at me, on the back porch for the neighborhood to hear nonetheless, I have done everything that she's demanded, suggested or hinted at and nothing seems to help, it's gotten to the point now that when she DOES initiate sex (she has to initiate, if I try to it's "pestering" even if I only try 1x in a day or two) I have trouble functioning because I am so depressed and stressed over our relationship. we tried counseling and she walked out on the second session when the therapist suggested that perhaps, maybe, it's NOT all the husbands fault. she accuses me of being a sex addict (I say I'm just a guy), but I've been faithful to her and don't even look at porn. I can't masturbate (doesn't work, weird huh),, and have hit scary levels of depressed at this point. she is completely unwilling to find a solution that doesn't involve my attempting to reach her ideal, and her moving the ideal further away as I fight toward it. I'm a guy, I need sex, I'm also the dumbass who actually wants feeling with it. I don't know how to get her to listen. don't know if anyone can get her to listen.
divorce is not an option
infidelity is not an option
porn is not an option
masturbation w/o porn is not an option
I need help and have no idea what to do, does anyone here have any suggestions? I know I ruled a lot of stuff out, but it's where my situation is.
thanks.
|
I feel sorry for you bud. Not the fact that your wife is not putting out more than you need her to, but you buzzing around a bee hive that has no honey for you, yet you bring in the honey.
My advice is to seek somewhere between your faithful marriage and infidelity. I am not telling you to cheat, cheating is when you fall in love with someone else, while in love with another. Is having sex with a total stranger cheating? It is when it compromises your commitments between you and your wife. In other words, sex without protection, impregnating another woman, anything that puts your financial situation at risk.
If your wife expects to give you sex once a month and at the same time, wants you to be abstinence from sex until whenever she feels like it, then she's being a total selfish *****. In reality, you cannot blame a man that seeks sexual satisfaction elsewhere when his woman is not putting out. By law, it's not right, and will put you on the disadvantage side. If that is what you're afraid of, then again, I feel sorry for you.
Honestly, go look for sex somewhere else and make sure whatever you do, whoever you do it with, it doesn't jeopardize the bonds you have with your family, be it your mortgage, your relationship with your children, your feelings and faithfulness towards your wife. It's sort of contradicts your faithfulness towards your wife if you're ****ing someone else right? Really, you're just getting what you need that your wife won't give. You're not loving someone else, you're not starting a family with someone else, you're not committing yourself financially with someone else. You just need to satisfy your sexual desire and that is that.
Anyways, I wish the best of luck for you.