One of the things I learned when I attended support groups for women in abusive relationships is that counseling rarely, if ever, does any good whatsoever. I took my domestic partner to have a couples' counseling session with my own psychiatrist. She asked him how did he manage to put up with me. Domestic abuse experts (counselors who specialized in DV) have explained that this type of thing is very common. They said that women often get labeled as bipolar, when that is not the real problem. Keep that in mind whenever you deal with therapists/counselors/pdocs. It won't be such an issue, now, I would think . . . because you are out of that living arrangement.

Co-parenting a child will still be a challenge. Don't be surprised, if your ex tried to undermine your son's respect for you. I was shocked at how severe that problem is when I stayed at a women's DV shelter. Some of these men are absolutely diabolical in how thoroughly they want to destroy anything good in your life.

I think I sort of understand what you are looking for when you say you want to be on friendly terms with him. But I have to ask you to think again. I very truly believe that part of your recovery will depend on you facing the fact that this man is not your friend. There are such things as amicable divorces . . . I suppose, but that's really not what you should be primarily shooting for IMHO. First priority is your physical safety. If you think you've got that nailed down, then the second is your psychological safety. Don't try to sugarcoat what happened . . . in your mind, or in his.

If you did not have a child together, then I would advise you have nothing further to do with him. That may not be possible, since you have a child. I don't know. Is your son safe with his father? Some of that depends on your son's age. At a certain point in his teens, your son will make up his own mind about a lot of things. For now, I would give him simple honest answers to basic questions. If he saw the abuse, then he already understands a great deal.

If interacting with your ex remains necessary because of the fact that you are both parents of the same child, then accept that as an unfortunate necessity and keep those interactions simple. You need to become emotionally aloof to this man. This is where you could benefit greatly by going to a DV support group. I guarantee you that he is not done playing games with your head. So don't get sucked in. (If he calls about your son, keep it real short and business-like. When he asks how you are doing, do not go into sharing anything with him. Do not try to fix the past. You can't. Move on.)

Living with him was hard. If you've done that you can do a lot. You absolutely can live alone successfully. You have a lot to learn, but you were sure never going to learn it living with him. Let this whole experience leave you with ZERO tolerance for abusive relationships. That will be one positive take-away you come out of this with. In this world we are surrounded by decent human beings. Get to know some of them.