Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilysZoo
I rarely post because I seem to not get what a lot of people say, but I'm going to give it a try.
So, first, you started this post with questions about sex and many of the responses, of course, are focused on that. One major thing I took from your posts is the repeated message that you say people don't want to be around you. Forget about sex--what's up with people wanting to hit you?
In my totally uneducated opinion, this seems like a bigger immediate problem than the sex thing. I realize you said that counseling was a waste of time, but what did you focus on there? It seems like you should figure out why people don't want to be around you (if it's true). Couldn't a therapist help with that? Having an outsider figure out how you behave around people and why this turns people away might be a very insightful thing to know about yourself. Right now, I get the impression that you think you're not worth being around.
You're so young. Maybe you misread social cues or don't know how to carry on a conversation. These are things you can try to change. Yes, I get that you want to be active and not just talk, but if you can't truthfully understand why people don't want to be around you, then that's a problem. I just think once you know this, then you can work on some social skills, then you can have friends, you'll like yourself more, then intimacy (with or without sex) could follow.
I won't comment on the sex issue since others have already done that.
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People want to hit me (and on occasion, have hit me) because I say the wrong thing/don't know when to keep my mouth shut/crack a joke that unintentionally offended the other person. I'm sure everyone's had someone who's felt that way about them before…they just don't usually say it (or actually hit you).
And I can carry on a conversation. I can carry on a conversation for hours—depending on the other person of course.
Maybe I can't really read social cues, but everyone (especially on here) is going on about how important communication is. I agree and I also don't think I should be expected to read peoples' minds all the time. I mean, if I'm not reading their social cue correctly, shouldn't they grow a pair and politely tell me? That way I have a chance to apologize and no one is holding anything against anybody.
I do have friends…having friends doesn't automatically equal self esteem. I know why people don't like me. And I don't want to become a completely different person—to become a cookie-cutter Barbie doll just so other people can be "comfortable".
So what's therapy going to do? Show me how to hide who I am so I can make fake friends? I actually have friends who don't hate me yet who actually know how weird I am and they actually give me feedback, like when I'm doing something well or not and give me a chance to apologize if I said something that was unintentionally offensive. I don't see how therapy can do much better. It'll just cost my family more money. And how unfair is that? Especially when I get better "therapy" for free.
And I wouldn't be worried about getting laid if I didn't think about it all the time and dream about it very vividly almost every night. I can't escape from it. I'd probably be someone people would want to be around if I got laid.
But people know that they'll be judged by society if they've been with an outcast. My only chance is with other outcasts. I guess I've just been too weird for the people I've liked. Almost makes me want to be weirder—I mean, what do I have to lose at this point? It might be fun to see the cookie-cutter normals squirm.