First, I think you need to check out the suicide resources that are on this website. Here is the link found under "Resource Directory." The message board isn't the place to post about suicide.
Suicide and Crisis
Good Luck!
<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.