I need to amend something I think I mis-stated above. Counseling is apt to do lots of good for lots of people. What I heard over and over from experts on Domestic Violence is that it does very little good toward changing the behavior of abusers. They also claim to have found that, when a domestically abusive person does change for the better, it is not while that abuser is in the relationship with the party abused. (So after a relationship involving abuse ends, the abusive partner may, conceivably, go on to have a non-abusive relationship with someone else.)

I would encourage the original poster here to definitely look into therapy, if she feels inclined to . . . for herself. And, yes, overcoming co-dependent traits is part of the work. I think literature published by Al-Anon is about the best stuff there is on that out there.