And how do you manage relationships with them? Or how did you disengage if you don't manage relationships with them? At this point, I don't feel like I have real justification for cutting them off; I would really be the bad guy if I did that. I think I really, really need to disengage emotionally from my parents but can't shake the feeling I need to try and have a good relationship with them and that I am a failed daughter if things don't work or if I decide to throw in the towel. (I'm 26 and not financially dependent on them; occasionally my mom gives me some money and this is part of why I feel guilty and ungrateful.) I always walk away from talking to them feeling like ****, which my therapist points out is probably a sign that our relationship is not that good for me. At the same time, I feel pretty guilty/ungrateful because I know I had it way better than a lot of people and that I'm lucky to have my parents. I know they love me (they are just dysfunctional). No one prostituted me/tried to stab me/locked me in a closet/got me hooked on drugs. It was all very middle class, run of the mill physical abuse and telling me what a hateful/selfish/worthless little slut I was.

I keep making the mistake of trying to get validation from my parents and IT IS POINTLESS and I have to stop. It's like this never ending hamster wheel of me practically begging them to be supportive, act proud of me or even like they are the least bit interested in my life and even though I know that I'm going to feel hurt, I just keep trying. Every time I so much as talk to my dad, I get triggered as hell and then feel like a huge @sshole.

My dad: "Anybody who can't find a job after x number of weeks is lazy and not trying."
me: "I've spent six months applying for anything and everything and interviewing and I still haven't found a full time job."
my dad: (instead of answering me, because he really was insinuating that I'm lazy, like he has been my entire life) "Unemployment is your generation's fault for electing Barack Obama."

This is the way most of our conversations go...I try to avoid hotspots and steer the conversation towards movies, food and household projects and my dad brings in how stupid liberals are with a side of "and you are, too, because you disagree with me." No topic is safe. Fried chicken? Black people like fried chicken! Black people are often entitled liberals! (let's not even start to address the racism happening there...) Refugees from Vietnam? Communists! Barack Obama! It is exhausting...this is a man who "accidentally" broke my nose, gave me black eyes and left hand-shaped bruises on my arms, overlooked it while my uncle molested me because he and my mom were so busy screaming at each other and I am STILL more bothered by his constant attempts to bate me in conversation!