I hope, in time, you are able to tap into, what it is, specifically about him, that was irritating to you. You've seemed to have struggled with how you felt about him, since your arrival here, in PC. Sure, he was attractive, but I'd venture to guess, it's more than just your depression, at root here.

Then, in the future, you'll be more aware of what you really want and need from any relationship. Sometimes, in the spirit of not vilifying another, we spend too much time blaming our depression(s).

To Add:This has me thinking about my stepsister and a state of mind, that my stepmom brings to the table. Stepmom, as I was going through the divorce, asked me, what was I going to do, without a man around the house? Stepsister, is with this career successful workaholic, stepsisters path in life was a troubled one. Stepmom, pushes her to realize this is the best she's going to get. Stepsis, is going through the aa steps, at this point. Has wanted to leave, on many occasions. She's not happy, but she has a family of origin mindset, that this is the best she'll ever get. Especially after her troubled past. She 'needs' to keep a meticulous home. She hardly sees her workaholic, but you know, he's wealthy. She's not happy, but this is the best she's going to get, so on many levels, its stay or be alone for the rest of her life.

Sometimes, we are socialized in certain ways, that affect us. I truly hope, you do, indeed tap into what it is about him, so that you don't follow that path again, and once on it, remain in misery, and alone in a relationship.