And yes, I know the obvious answer is to go have sex with someone. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone and no way to get anyone unless it's just a random stranger. Though I personally don't see the difference between that and masturbating—both of which give no satisfaction. I'm obsessed with connection with someone else and knowing that someone can actually like me that way. I'm on enough medication that I should have zero libido, so why do I think about it constantly!? Why do I dream excruciatingly vivid dreams of having sex? I feel like I'm starving…I have no peace and I'll never have peace.

And I really, really, really want to be with a guy, but I only have a chance with a girl so I should just settle for a girl for now? I'm not sure it would satisfy, but anything is better than nothing...