Understand completely. I appreciate your insight and also congrats on the "membrane" thing. I have the same ways except I look and see that many people I became friendly with for reasons that benefit me. Not all I must say some I actually considered real friends other than just means. Crazy thing is that two of my closest friends both are no longer alive.
I actually had a moment yesterday with my mother. She was mad at my wife and I for not having my fathers family at our house (given 2 days notice) and my little guy who gets croup real bad actually last time put him in the hospital, was sick this weekend with a throat infection (trigger for croup). We had to cancel but without ever obligating although she believes we did as she didn't hear from us. She sent me a text that day saying it was cancelled then to find they went out to a restaurant with his family and my brother and sister. Now I don't really care about seeing anyone but the fact is that this is one of her manipulating ways to get to me. I called her the next day to discuss this with her as this is the second time of the same exact thing happening. All excuses and no accountability, I have been the one who is expected to get crazy, be blamed and so on for my entire life with them. She said something to me that made me completely loose it. I said your angry? Im the one sitting on the couch each week for 45 minutes discussing my issues caused by them. How I have to put medicine into my system to try and help with my mind and emotions. I further explained in a loud tone with many four letter words that besides money you have done nothing for me and she said I have emotionally backed you always. Ha Ha Ha so I asked how??? Reply was I watch your kids and I said WTF how is that emotionally backed?? Please tell me one emotional moment you have ever been there for me and nothing. Thats when the BS tears came and I said let me guess you have to go now and that was it. With all this it put me into the crazed mind state, I flipped out on somebody while driving home and told him to pullover but wouldn't(which I am thankful he did not now). I couldn't even think straight and fell asleep at around 5-5:30am this morning. My mind went numb, I have so much anger built up but as my wife pointed out this is exactly what my mother feeds on. To continue to bring me down and then think because she will lend me money or pick my kids up that all is good. The same person who will happen to mention that something is wrong at their house or with the car to get me to take care of it yet my brother and sister never. I am beginning to understand more and more that most people whether blood or not are full of sh£@!!! I am 37 and yet I still get crazy when it comes to things like this. I have opened up to them more than I have in my entire life and yet they use that against me and keep the never ending race going. I cannot stand what this does to me when I loose my mind during these type of events. My rebound to feeling normal take days now where in the past it took minutes. I become drained of everything during these times.
Sorry about the rant but thanks again for what you wrote as it makes perfect sense, just had to share this with some that I know here fully understand. I also apologize as I know lately I write straight from my head (Tornado) and probably left out many things that would of tied this story together better. It just works for me like this.