I know from your other posts that you are going through some sort of distance with a friend, I just messed up also over the same situation so I get you I could have done the exact thing as you.

I totally missed a major important meeting because I was so caught up in the end of a relationship. Mortified, I cried for two days over the screw up meeting.

It will get better, we all make mistakes with our kids. I just asked my adult child the other day about her childhood, she told me I screwed up here and there but overall it was pretty good