Although I'm outgoing and friendly, talkative, and fun to be around (I hope!) I'm actually a pretty guarded person. I don't let many people 'in' - and when I do I start to worry that they will not like what they see and leave me. In a way, it's easier to keep myself guarded so I don't have to deal with the hurt it would cause if they left.

I have never had a long term romantic relationship, when I get close, I break it off. No one is ever quite right - somehow I always find something that's wrong - and it's usually something irrationally small. I don't know what it is, but my brain sees one fault and I just think 'no, its a bad sign, this just isn't going to work, cut it off before it goes too far and someone gets hurt'. It's frustrating because it's like a warning bell goes off and then I just can't get past it - I don't see them as the same anymore. I often really like someone from a distance - then when I get to know them and they start to like me - the fact they like me makes me not like them. Like, I don't trust their instinct about me. Sounds pretty screwed up now it's written down.

I feel like I must have some sort of attachment problem but the issue for me is how do I make it go away/ how do I live with it. I find it very difficult putting emotions into words, and expressing myself. I feel like most people can do it quite easily, but if you ask me how I'm feeling i find it difficult. I do feel, but my understanding of my emotions seems less than other people. I get upset and anxious but couldn't tell you why or what other emotions were going on behind the scenes.

I'm thinking about seeing a therapist - but not really sure how they could help? I feel like it's unrealistic to expect that they could completely 'fix' me... I just want to be able to hold a relationship down so I can get on with my life...