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Perna said:
Doing the "as if" thing or asking multiple sources what they saw in me helped me. I didn't have as much trouble just "suspending" my disbelieve and knowing that other people saw a certain thing in me and then looking for it for myself? Just accept that the other people think you are "kind," for example and then look for evidence of kindness. They must be looking at something to have the opinion they do? When you can say, "oh, yeah, I went out of my way and gave Aunt Sally a ride to the drugstore to get her prescription" and realize that you didn't have to do that, that that was "kind" of you, you'll start seeing "kind" things you do all over the place.

When your therapist says something about you, ask her why she says whatever it is, to give you an example, and then instead of refuting the example (focusing harder on refuting than seeing :-) just take the example with you and look for others. Eventually you should come around to seeing some things about yourself as others see you that are pretty darn neat!

If you think about it, we all have the "capacity" to be all the good things there are to be; it's not like we have to be them continuously/all the time! I'm working on being "warm" -- I decided 20+ years ago that when I grew up I wanted to be "warm, wise, and whimsical". At the time I knew I had "whimsical" beat :-) and I was coming up on "wise" but the "warm" is harder for me, probably because of my anxiety and fear of vulnerability/taking chances. But I don't doubt that if I want to feel myself as "warm" that I'll get there! I have all the right "equipment" so it's a matter of figuring out how to act "as if" and that will help it come true.

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I think this is great advice, Perna! Thank you. You are very wise!
((((((hugs)))))

Olivia