Hello wassupiig: Well, I don't believe in god so I couldn't comment on why a god would make someone different than they want to be. To paraphrase an immortal line from that old movie: "Once Upon a Time in America" ... some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths & some people get it up the ***.

I'm an old man now. But all my life I've been transgendered... transsexual, if you will. I always felt I should have been a girl. My earliest memories involve cross-dressing if you can call it that at such a young age. Of course, when I was young no one I ever knew had even heard of such a thing; or at least they never talked about it if they did. So I just grew up feeling weird & perverted, sure that no one else in the world could possibly be as depraved as me.

I've lived a more-or-less normal male existence my whole life, & never told anyone about my trans-ness until quite recently. But either because of my trans-ness, or in addition to it, I have also suffered with major depression & anxiety disorders all of my life as well. In many ways, these conditions destroyed my life & helped me to severely damage the lives of those closest to me. At this point, I just pretty much keep to myself & hope each day that tomorrow for me will not come.

So this is a long-winded way of saying that, from my perspective, there's no plan. There's no god who made you as you are. It just happened. It sucks... but that's the way it is. The important thing now is to figure out what to do with it. And for this, you need a good therapist... someone who is experienced in dealing with issues of sexual preference. From my perspective at least (which is the only one I have) these sorts of things don't go away by themselves. In fact, in my case, as I have aged, it has gotten worse, not better.

You have several things going for you. You're young & you recognize that you have a dilemma. Also you're living in an age when issues of sexuality are out in the open & therapy is encouraged. So "take the bull by the horns", so to speak, & resolve to follow this through to its conclusion, whatever that is. If you don't confront it openly, it may end up mucking up your life as my issues did mine. My very best wishes to you...