This is something I really, really struggle with because in the past when I told people I cared about them or that they were important to me, they usually left shortly after. And I am really, really uncomfortable making myself vulnerable like that. But it's something I want to learn to do because I think it's important for other people to hear that sometimes, especially since my way of showing affection sometimes doesn't read that way to others.

There's an instructor at my school (not a professor - her job is to help people with their essays) who I see almost every week and she is important to me. She is the first person I ever really met who is gay and really open about it, and she's created a really safe space for me when I come to see her, and it's really nice to sit with her and just talk about stuff that other people don't know about, like certain queer theorists, or she tells me stuff about "our" history that I don't know, and it's just really wonderful.

She is also super good at being reflective of my feelings, which sort of reminds me of a therapist but is also super nice, because she notices if I'm getting frustrated with something and she empathizes and she's like, "Wow, I can see this is really frustrating for you. How about we try this?" And that feels really nice to me. And she says she's proud of me sometimes, which is just one of my buttons that brings up other stuff.

I really look forward to seeing her and I think maybe she doesn't know that or I want her to know that because she is important to me. But I also don't like saying stuff like that because it's a really vulnerable thing to say and I don't know how she'll respond or if she'll be okay with that.

The thing is, I thought I was getting better at this. But this week with T, it felt to me like I was telling HER that she was important to me (in a way, or at least that our sessions were important to me, and her caring was important to me) and as soon as she heard that, she took the caring out of the equation because she didn't want me to depend on her or need her. I know that's not the exact situation, but that's definitely how my brain interpreted it. Yes, I will talk about this with T when I see her...but I'm wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom re. this whole situation.