Quote:
Originally Posted by melania
My therapist made chaos in my head.
I asked him- Would you like to be kissed by me?
He said- I think you are a good kisser. [it's not yes and it's not no]
When I started to kiss him, he said- I don't want you to kiss me.
After that I told him- So you don't want to be kissed by me.
He said- I didn't say so. I said I don't want to cross my boundaries.
I asked why.
He said- I don't want to hurt you, it will destroy therapy. We coudn't control ourselves.
I asked- we? Did you mean- me?
He said- Yes, you too.
I asked- So you too?
He didn't answered.
I asked him- Have you ever imagined that you are having sex with me?
He said- I can't answer, I will cross the line if I tell you.
I said- Please tell me that you don't want me in your bed.
He said- I can't tell you nothing about it.
I just can't understand it all. Sometimes it sounds like he wants me but maybe it's just my illusions.
I asked him so may times to tell me that he doesn't want me but he doesn't say it. Is it normal?
I think he must tell me the true. I'm afraid of illusions.
Please don't say he is a bad therapist and I must leave him, I want to know what's going on with us. I just can't understand him.
I think that we must talk openly to each other.
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Your therapist sounds like big trouble. It sounds like you're playing a very dangerous game with someone who doesn't have the right skills or an adequately strong sense of professional ethics.
Re your last paragraph: You talk openly with him. But he should be very judicious about what he shares with you. It isn't his job to share his feelings with you. It sounds like you want him to tell you he fantasizes about sex with you too. That would be massively inappropriate.
Your relationship with him has just about ceased to be a safe and therapeutic one for you. Of course I get the sweet agony of being attracted to and infatuated with someone and I also get the intensity of transference toward one's T. But you should think hard about the consequences of having a sexual relationship with your T. Read other people's stories about this. Many women (and no doubt some men too) have been seriously hurt by this kind of thing.
Just because the idea is exciting and you can't stop thinking about it doesn't make it a good or smart idea.