Boy, am I relieved to hear you say "I totally get it"!!! I had this horrible fear that everyone would be like, "WHAT???! You don't sound like an Avoidant!! Git' outta hear!!" (*Big Sigh*) Anyway, yes, you're exactly right: it's actually pretty easy to 'hide' on stage, as crazy as that sounds. Performing in any capacity is fun as long as you have a "character" to hide behind. Even when I am performing music (as in your dreaded "concert" settings (! , I do the same thing. It's easier when playing an instrument (either as a soloist or in a group) than as a vocalist: when you're singing, you're basically up there "naked" - nothing to hide behind at all. That's tough. I always had to do the same thing as in Theatre: pretend I was someone else in order to make it thru.

As far as your question about being the centre of attention at a B-day party... no, I don't guess so. But I can't STAND having everyone watching me open my gifts (same thing at Christmas - for Pete's sake, just have everybody open them at once, okay?? This 'let's all wait to see what 'Aunt Jackie gave you' is for the birds....). I hate opening them. I feel like my reaction(s) are never right. I always disappoint my family/friends/etc. I do love to GIVE gifts & probably go way overboard in that regard; in fact, I know I do (I'm just like my Dad in that regard - very generous & giving). But I'm highly uncomfortable being on the receiving end. It's not that I don't want things to be reciprocal; I'm just very private that way. I'd rather open something in private, treasure that gift and then thank that person in turn. Not in a forced environment. Sound funny? It's true. So, well, yeah. Maybe I would, like you, "flip out" a little, come to think of it!

You did say that you have a hard time when it comes to opening up & building a friendship & trust. I completely understand that. Is it like, when you meet somebody, and they say, 'Yeah, let's meet for lunch!' And you go, 'Sure. Maybe next week?' But then it never happens b/c you always hem & haw when they try to actually pin down a date & time? That's me in a nutshell. We'll have friends or acquaintances who try to get us to go out on the weekend. They'll call or text either me or my husband asking if we want to do something blah-blah-blah and I'm like *PANIC!!!* "No, I think we're going to see our daughter this Friday....." or some other such crap. Ugh. My husband is like, "Why not???" And I don't know what to tell him. I don't even know exactly WHY I do that. Because the times we do go out, we usually have fun. (Although there have been plenty of times when I have had one, two, or maybe 10 cocktails in order to mitigate the course of the evening...) I just don't like to go partying, loud places or stuff like that very much. And that seems to be what everyone else prefers. If they said, "Wanna go for a weekend up to our cabin in the mountains?" I would be on that like white on rice. Nice & quiet, beautiful nature and no people rushing around. My idea of a great time.

But I do understand your thinking when it comes to where to sit in a movie theatre, restaurant, or somewhere similar. I don't like to plop down right in the middle of things either. When I think about it, it seems that I always prefer to sit on the periphery - not necessarily on an aisle seat or by the wall, but close to. (My husband is the one who always insists on sitting in the aisle seat; but that's because he's huge & it makes him so uncomfortable to be crammed in up against people. I'm little, so it doesn't make any difference to me.)

I do fine when meeting people, parties, business, etc. It's just that I certainly don't PREFER that at all. I've been told that I could actually excel at that kind of thing because I have good 'people skills' & am very empathetic (which is true). But just thinking about having a job where I was required to be around people the majority of the time, in a high-profile setting, absolutely makes me CRINGE!! The years I spent as a teacher in Public School were some of the hardest, most stressful, yet most rewarding years of my life. During the last 4 years at that post, I lost 65 lbs., came this close (holding fingers about 1/4" apart) to getting a divorce, had to have 2 root canals, got Pneumonia twice, and had three surgeries. Think my body was trying to tell me something??? Yeah. I finally figured it out: it was saying, "Get the hell out while you still can!" I loved those kids & I was good at what I did. But I simply could not handle that type of environment or daily stress. It was killing me.

Well, that's way more than enough for now! Thanks so much for talking with me. I'm so glad to begin hearing from y'all and learning about all this. Like I said before, it's like coming home for me. I'm excited to get to know all of you & look forward to hearing your stories, learning from you & getting advice.

I hope you have a truly blessed day. One in which you're not anxious, worried or doubtful. Wouldn't that be NICE??!

Take care.