Don't blame yourself, it is never your fault.
I had an incident 3 years ago, where a guy I loved used me and supposedly sexually assualted me. Everybody can see it, but me. It's been 3 years and I've been blaming myself. I am now coming to terms with the fact he did do something wrong and it wasn't my fault.
It takes time to heal. I hope you find a way to heal. PM me if you need to rant to anybody.
Hugs x