Hi there and welcome to pc
I am sorry for the pain you have from your family. Am glad you are seeking help and hope that starts soon for you.. I think you are on a good track to help yourself...just by acknowledging some of these things....because once you are aware of them...you can start to control and stop the feelings before they get out of control and start to control you....this will make you stronger and better able to deal...wishing you luck and sending positive waves your way for success on your journey to wellness..... and it is a journey.... you will do well and sometimes do bad....you will fall and then get up....you will rise above the hopelessness and find things worth living for and fighting for daily....hope this makes sense.....hope you find what you need on this forum....lots of people here to help you and support you!!! take care now